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Fear and TremblingThe Personal Blog of J Kent Kroencke and His Family
August 11 OK, a rant for those who think I am going soft...Over the past few months I have had the opportunity to have discussions with other Chaplains about their back-stories. One of the common stories that I have heard is that National Guard and Reserve Chaplains are losing their civilian churches because they deploy or because they join the Military. The laws that protect everyone else's jobs when they deploy do not apply to the church. Denominations like the SBC are even more susceptible since we have no central authority and individual churches choose their own pastors. What in the world is going on here? Imagine the kind of fervor that small town churches have for supporting the troops and then imagine that same church firing their pastor for serving his country. It does not add up and it saddens me to think that this is happening. In fact, it really infuriates me that churches are doing this to their pastors. Would it not be more Biblical to view the pastor's deployment as an opportunity to send out a missionary for a time being? What if the pastor is living in a parsonage and his wife and family has to move out (I have heard this story too). At the same time that a deploying Chaplain's world is being turned upside down and being sent 7,000 miles away to a combat zone, he has to worry about his family's security when he gets home. What should be done? A law is not the answer because I never want the government to dictate internal church policy (the reason the current law does not apply to the church). The National Guard is trying to provide full time work for some of their affected chaplains, but in the end churches need to search their soul about how to handle the problem. If churches want to support the troops what could be more effective than sending your pastor to minister to thousands of soldiers for a year. It sure beats putting yellow ribbons on your cars and a lot more needful than a box of cookies. August 10 A Great Bit of Training this Weekend.
I then turned to focusing on pre-marital counseling. As the trainer for this weekend coined it, I tried to do counseling "upstream" from the actual marriage. I have had good results with the pre-marital counseling route and for those couples who took it seriously, it has produced fruit. The last couple that I counseled did over 40 hours of sessions! Both the couple and I enjoyed walking through the common pre-marital issues and the time that we were spending together, so we took our time over a period of 6 months. Other couples seemed to have mixed results however and I have been carefully considering how I will best use my time as a Battalion chaplain (especially as a National Guard Chaplain with limited time with troops). This weekend we were trained to teach a seminar called "PICK: how not to marry a jerk. This seminar shoots even further "upstream" at single people who are dating. Although the seminar was designed to be a secular training event, it lines up neatly with my Biblical worldview and is backed up by scientific evidence and research. Apparently, people who rush into physical relationships, co-habitat, or fail to objectively judge their potential mate's qualities, have a much higher rate of divorce and marital dissatisfaction. Huh, go figure (wink). We were trained by the man who developed the material and I was impressed by the simplicity and substance of the program. We only had a day and a half of training, but were given access to all of the underlying research behind the program that allows us to go even further in our understanding of each component. Hands down, this is one of the best preventative programs that I have ever seen. I have found out the hard way that the more time you spend in preventive education on the front end of the relationship, the less time you will spend in crisis counseling on the other end. In fact, the time constraints on a battalion chaplain are so great, I will probably be quick to refer serious marital problems to a better trained Family Life Chaplain and spend my precious little time on the preventive measures found in this type of seminar. Not only does the Army provide us with this training, but they also provide special funds to hold FREE soldier retreats focused on single, married couple and family wellness seminars. What an incredibly good use of government funding! It is good stewardship of both time and money and demonstrates that the Army is serious about taking care of their soldiers. These retreats are not cheap but they cost a lot less than the damage caused by broken relationships in terms of both personal loss and loss of mission readiness. The second layer of training was how to operate a retreat. To train us, we went on a retreat to learn how to go on a retreat! We loaded all 160 chaplains on buses and went to the mountains of North Carolina. We stayed at the SBC Ridgecrest conference center and camp. This was the same place that the Tolono First Baptist Youth Group went to last year and I was impressed with the faculties. First of all, the mountains were 10 degrees cooler and much less humid than in the lowlands of Fort Jackson, SC. Secondly, the grounds provided a peaceful place to relax and unwind. The room was spartan but very clean and smelled a whole lot better than my room at Kennedy Hall! There were dining faculties at the conference center that was a huge improvement over my little microwave and the meals were decent. The only problem is that we went over a weekend and 12 days straight with this group of guys can take a toll. 160 chaplains crammed into one room is not the divine experience one might think it would be! August 06 Home! The school house approved a request for weekend leave and it allowed me t Needless to say, it was a great weekend. I got to meet my new grandchild, see the new mom reconnect with the kids and go to church at my own church. I was afraid of how Eleanor would react, being so young, but after greeting me with a big "Hi Papa!, I could not pry her away from me all weekend. K was emotional, Kaiser played it close to the chest and Danielle was even weepier than usual. I briefly met the baby's father, but that was a can of worms to open at a later date. This weekend was for my family and to give Tracy a much needed boost. Other than the cable almost getting turned off, she has held everything together. I got a boost too and was able to talk with Tracy about things that I cannot talk to any one else about. I guess that is the hardest part of being away. Tracy is my closest confidant and not having her right there to hash things over with has been difficult. I dropped by the OG, ate a meal and made sure that I still have a job when I get back. The job is safe and secure and it was nice to see the closest thing to friends that I have in Louisville. Clarksville Olive Garden is a great place to work and I am thankful to have this job while I am in this transitional phase between pulpit and Chaplaincy. It was also great to worship at my home church and spend some altar time with Tracy after being loaded up with new burdens that the Chaplaincy cab bring. Being a Chaplain in the modern world can be complex and you minister in life and death situations with the great burden of providing ethical counsel to men and women (commanders) who make life and death decisions. It is not something to take lightly to be sure. This last series shows that Danielle is finding that motherhood is an exhausting enterprise. This is something that her mother is well aware of and is delighted that Danielle has discovered this truth. July 30 Tracy and I are now grandparents
Our Oldest (Danielle, 18) has given birth to Kalvin Douglas (no theological implications, I think she just liked the name) and he is almost 7lbs. Kalvin came on July 29th at 1:30 am at a hospital here (or actually there, in my case) in Louisville. It has been difficult to be absent at such a critical time in Danielle's life and it feels as if I am just a spectator in all of it. Tracy has had to handle quite a bit on her own and has done a great job while I am away. There are certainly a lot of new realities that I am going to come home to in September. When the Army talks about reintegration issues, this is probably part of what they are addressing. The new mom is healthy and was able to have an epidural for the delivery, which makes all the difference in the world. She had the baby fairly quickly for her first baby and there does not seem to be any complications with Mom or the baby. She will be coming home from the hospital tomorrow and I am sure that her maternal instincts are starting to kick into high gear. However, I have not quite gotten my head around being a grandfather at 37 and it will probably take some time to get used to the idea. I am sure that my Fear and Trembling post about buying the convertible is probably starting to make more sense now. July 26 I am confounded by a statistical anomaly
Kennedy hall has two elevators and one up button. Every time I leave my quarters or return to my quarters on the fifth floor I push the call button for the elevator and try to guess which door will open first. I have been tracking this for the past 5 weeks and I incorrectly choose which door over 80% of the time. With this large sample I should be approaching the 50% by now but I miss the mark over 80% of the time! What bizarre convergence of chance and human effort has conspired against me? I am indeed vexed and surely accursed. July 20 Our Changing Army: Part 2One of the narratives that liberals have been pushing on the news programs is that we need to get out of Iraq because our Army has been "decimated." Considering that this is the word that is always used it is obviously a DNC talking point. Where as I agree that this conflict has been hard on troops, families and resources, there is an other side of the story that is not being told on the news programs. The past 6 years has pushed the military to make some serious changes in doctrine, training, solider care, tactics and weapon systems and this is a good thing. The Army that I joined in 1988 was geared to fight a conventional war on the plains of Europe with the military of the Warsaw pact. When I went through basic training, there were no drill sergeants that had combat experience (before Desert Storm and after Vietnam) and as we trained the training was theoretical with no significant connection (psychologically) with what we would actually be doing in the National Guard. The National Guard in the eighties and early nineties was not exactly the most high speed organization and we seemed to be in a constant holding pattern with little to do of major significance. In fact, I left the National Guard because I was not being used to my potential. Today's Army is an entirely different Army. My training here at Chaplain school has been conducted by NCO's and Chaplains that have all see combat in Iraq and Afghanistan and the difference is stark. When we do the low crawl in the sand, get smoked at PT or discuss issues such as Just War theory, there is a greater sense of seriousness and urgency to the training. This urgency makes all the difference in the world and leaves me with the sense that my efforts are not wasted. Even the National Guard, with its new role in this war, has changed considerably. The previous Army doctrine relegated the National Guard to support roles in major conflicts with the bulk of combat operations left to the active duty component. The modular concept that the Army is moving to has changed all that and many of the new Brigade Combat teams are based in the Reserves and National Guard. Another major change is that the Army has finally understood that there is an important civil component to what we are doing in Southwest Asia. During the Vietnam war the Army resisted this role and the consequences were obvious. The shift of doctrinal focus can be seen in the recent improvements in the Iraq security situation. The surge made a difference to be sure, but the surge without a radical shift in mind set from the initial invasion phase would have produced a much different result. The Army values that I spoke of in the last post are an important part of this change in that the American Soldier must separate, no matter how difficult it might be, from the civilian population we are there to help and the insurgents that are set on creating chaos. It is not a simple task in such an ambiguous context (like Vietnam or Iraq), but when our commanders send out combat troops to mix with the general populace on humanitarian missions, it is for the sake of the soldier as much as it is for the Iraqis. These humanitarian mission put a human face to those whom we are committed to helping. Americans have something wonderful to offer to the world, we just need to be remind ourselves of that when times get tough. Otherwise the horrors of war make us into something more like those who we are fighting and not defenders of the values found in our Constitution. Are there "values" in war? Many would disagree, but I have to believe that there are and it is for this reason I serve my country and the men and women who serve in the Armed Forces. July 19 Our Regimental Dining out
July 10 Our Changing Army: Part 1Low crawling in the sand wearing body armor is not exactly a fertile condition for deep thoughts. Now that we are spending more time in study and the academic side of chaplaincy, I have had more opportunity to take it all in and give some considerations to some of my observations. One of the most stark differences that I have noticed about the present United States Army in comparison to the United States Army of 1988, is an unapologetic focus on values. I realize that values is a politically loaded word that has lost its meaning by overuse and abuse by political campaigns of all stripes, but that is what makes the Army's new focus all the more improbable and surprising. In an era that is marked by a shift towards moral relativism and a hesitance towards anything that seems dogmatic, the Army has replaced "The Three General Orders" with the Warrior Ethos and The Army Values as the mantras that all recruits recite throughout training. What are the Army Values? Loyalty, Duty, Respect, Selfless Service, Honor, Integrity and Personal Courage (here is a link that expands upon each value). At first blush I believe that most people in my generation would look at this list and be suspicious of the message as the establishment's method of manipulation of young minds. Those of us born in the 70's and 80's were raised in a culture of marketing and whether it is the Church, MTV, energy drinks, or the Army, we are media savvy enough to understand when our demographic is being targeted. Ashamedly, this was my first response upon seeing the Army Values posters that have been hung in facilities around the world. Over time I have have come to understand that these values that are being promoted during a time of sustained warfare and that they are far from a marketing campaign. They are a response to the need of our soldiers to hold firm to foundational truths in a conflict that is marked by confusion and ambiguity. Arguments can be made about the definition of these values and I am certain that although some consensus can be created, there will always be significant disagreements. The point is that in our modern day the argument is not the centered on the definition of a value such as honor, but rather whether honor even exists. These arguments are not new, but never has such a large percentage of the population used them as their default position. When you dig deeper under the simplistic polls of "how many people believe in God" you will find that at their core, many people are relativist that believe that truth is defined by each individual person. Materialistic Naturalist are forced to discount honor as a biochemical response to help propagate the species and Utilitarians ultimately reduce honor to a moral calculus based upon the outcome of a moral decision. The Army has started to talk about honor in a time when honor (and other values) are viewed, by some, as chauvinist, racist and bourgeois relics of a time gone past. I cannot claim to have the market cornered on the definition of loyalty, duty or respect. It is more difficult yet to understand how they are applied when you are faced with the fog of war against people who have little value for life and you are faced with almost impossible morale dilemmas. What I can say with certainty is that there is such a thing as honor, duty, loyalty, respect, selfless service, integrity and personal courage and if I can posses these qualities in ever greater measure, then I will be blessed. Let the debates on definitions begin, but to deny that these values and other absolutes exist outside of the mind of men is a defeat before the struggle even begins. Regarding my initial reaction to these Army Values, I mourn the cynicism and worldliness that I still have 15 years after receiving Christ and wonder how much more lives within me. On an end note, I did a quick Google search (after I wrote the post above) on Army values and quickly found two articles that reflect the statements that I made concerning modern culture. What I said has no empirical foundation and is anecdotal analysis, but am I wrong in my estimation of our national condition? Discuss.... July 07 A perfect PT and diet dayNow that we have moved into a classroom environment, the schedule is much more predictable. In addition, we can now park near the school instead of "down the hill" (at which point we would march as a formation to class every day!). This sounds insignificant, but the additional 15 minutes that it adds to my breakfast time, lunch time and dinner time gives me the opportunity to be a bit more deliberate and regimented about my calorie intake. My success in dropping from 252 in December of 2006 to 207 in September of 2007 came from eating 5 or 6 well balanced (protein/fat/carbs) meals. When I stopped this regime during the last semester of school, I put on 17 lbs and arrived at Chaplain School at 224. I am currently at 213 and 24 lbs to meet weight without being taped and 33 for my ultimate goal of 180. Last night I divided up my food into precisely measured Ziploc bags and I packed my lunch box with exactly 600 calories. I ate a 300 calorie breakfast, I had a morning snack of 300 calories, a 400 calorie lunch, a 300 calorie afternoon snack and I will eat 160 calorie snack before bed tonight. That is about 1800 calories for the day and I have found this to be a real sweet spot. My blood sugar stays dead level all day so I do not get hungry or lethargic (especially during the PowerPoints!), I have plenty of energy for the Morning and Afternoon PT, and I have plenty of protein for muscle recovery (although not enough to bulk up, which is good, I am going for lean, not bulging). Add a multivitamin, fish oil and a B supplement and I think I have a recipe for some serious and sustainable weight loss. With the double PT I am looking at about 2.8 lbs of fat loss per week. During the PT run this morning I took a full minute off of last weeks time and a full SIX minutes off of my May 29 time. Blessedly it was raining hard for the second PT session and we all went to the gym where I ran on a tread mill for a solid thirty minutes at a moderate pace. The treadmill was much easier on my legs than the asphalt (hardball in military lingo) and whenever I can go low impact to save me from pain and injury (muscle pain, cool, joint pain, not cool). My concern for the second PT sessions in the afternoon is the lack of recovery time. PT every 12 hours is not good by any scientific research and when I have the opportunity to give a full on effort like this morning followed by a low impact tune up, I consider it a good day. Tomorrow is "muscle failure" day, so I will probably try to go full on in the cool of the morning and then throttle back as much as I can without attracting the eye of the platoon sergeant in the afternoon. I have found a good running partner in Bill Farris and we have some agreed upon some goals for the PT test at the end of August. 13:36 is max for my age and I did a 16:20 this morning. Is maxing the run in our sights? Maybe! I can't see maxing the Push-ups and Sit-ups at 73 and 76, but if I am around the 185 mark by then it will be like taking the equivalent of a set of body armor off and the weight loss alone could be good for an extra 20 push-ups. A shrinking of my belly area will certainly help in the sit-ups. Half of my efforts seems to be compressing my spare tire when I move to the up position! I am shooting for 75 points in each area which would give me a 250 out of 300, but I am not going to rule out a 100 in all three events. As spunky as I feel right now, I just might do it! I keep telling myself that a high PT score can be a matter of life or death in the places that I am bound to go to in the next few years. We are playing for keeps these days, this is not your father's National Guard. July 04 Chaplain Initial Military Training is finishedThis picture was taken just as we were about to put on our berets (I am the third squad leader in that first column). Now that we are done with the first phase we can wear the berets as a symbolic "rite of passage." I have been wearing the beret back home for the past 6 months, so it was not really a big deal and the beret does not even keep the sun out of your eyes. Most of our training moves into the classroom for the next two months and we will be pummeled with PowerPoints for 8 hours a day for the next eight weeks. As tough as some of our task were during the initial phase, they went by quick and kept us busy. The jury is out on the next three phases. Everyday I get a bit more homesick for the family and found myself envying the soldiers who were leaving after the initial phase. I have a webcam set up, but that just makes it worse in some ways. The pictures below are of the 1st platoon. The funny thing is that despite the fact that we are all ministers, we all revert to 13 year old boys at summer camp. The humor has taken a drastic turn towards the bawdy and passing gas at inopportune times has become an art form. I hope this does not ruin the image that some of you may have about Chaplains. We are soldiers too, after all, and I am sure that our respective wives are not surprised at this type of behavior. They get to see the preacher behind closed doors and out of the pulpit. We do have our limits, since we are ministers, and I have not even heard one comment about my mother! We have established our own identity as a platoon as well and were overly excited about being the winning platoon in this mornings "Ultimate Frisbee" competition. Now we have a three and a half day break for the Fourth of July weekend and I was despondent at seeing many of the wives showing up for the weekend. SIGH. I will just sit in my room and mope for a few days until the new phases begins Monday. There is just no way that Tracy can get away with all those kids that we have to take care of home. I am hoping that she can come out for the last four days of Chaplain School and attend a seminar that they are putting on for the wives. Like the church ministry, the Chaplain Corps is a family affair. I have been seriously considering going on Active duty and Tracy needs some data to help her make an informed decision with me. If everything goes as planned, my mom can stay with the kids, Tracy can fly out in September, and drive home with me after attending the Banquet. July 03 The Kroenckes go to Walt Disney World The best thing that we did with this vacation was to buy a package deal from Disney. For less than $3000 we got 4 nights and 5 days at the Disney Wilderness Campground. We stayed in a great little cabin that had a fully stocked kitchen and a SEPERATE bedroom for Tracy and I to sleep! Whoo Hoo! The cabin was essentially a mobile home that had been dressed up as a cabin, but it was really nice and gave us more privacy and convenience than a hotel room. Our vacation package also came with 2 meals and a snack per day. This last minute addition kept our budget from being blown. A lunch for the 5 of us ran about $50 and the dinners were about $100 to $125 BEORE Our package included 4 days worth of tickets for the parks and we decided to go to Disney Studios, Magic Kingdom, Epcot and Typhoon Lagoon Water park. Each park had its strengths but it was the general Kroencke consensus that EPCOT was a snoozer. It was nice to have a more laid back day at Epcot than the other frenetically paced parks. I think that my favorite was the first day when we went to Disney studios. The rides were the best and it was the day that I found out that I would be going to Chaplain School after all. I worked out the details of
June 28 FTX-travaganza!
The first course was probably the worst one: The Fit to Win range. Fit to win is basically an obstacle course that we ran as a squad and is pictured below. There are 18 different obstacles of varying evilness that you have to traverse over the course. By the halfway point I thought that my heart was going to explode. The heat really put the zap on me and my conditioning is not what it needs to be.
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