I was tormented all day Friday and Saturday about what church I should attend on Sunday.  I finally decided upon one of those new Baptist Churches that don't actually tell anyone that they are Baptist and have a fairly typical back-story of a few guys getting together and imagining what it would be like to start a church from a blank piece of paper.  I understand this phenomenon, I really do.  What Baptist preacher has not imagined starting from scratch?  There are dozens of Baptist practices and attitudes that are based on nothing but regional traditions and generational preferences! 

This Louisville church has a tag line to the effect of  "In the city for the city" and they have recently located in the middle of urban decay, so I was hopeful that this meant that there would be some diversity.  As we drove up to the school building that they had remodeled, we were directed by a couple of T-Shirt and sandal wearing 20 somethings into a parking space.  I started to worry.  As we walked in the main entrance I could see that they had done a nice job to the interior and it was obvious that what I heard about this church was true.  "They are really into the arts,"  I have heard said from many lips and my daughter's first comment was "It looks like a museum."  Ok, its all good.  I like art, art is good, that's fine.

There were friendly greeters, good signage, hot coffee, a book table and lots of room to mingle.  This church was obviously following the church growth playbooks which put great emphasis on such things.  Ok, that's fine too.  There is nothing wrong with any of those things.  People know how to get around, can get some learning materials and see a friendly face.  So why was a knot growing in my stomach? There is no biblical reason for me to feel such apprehension so I tell myself to check my preferences at the door and get ready to worship.  Was I just suffering from pulpit withdrawal?  Perhaps.

After we got Eleanor into the efficient and friendly nursery and were assigned a little pager for emergencies we took a couple of bulletins and made our way into the "sanctuary."  I put sanctuary in quotes because it is more like an experimental theatre house than a sanctuary.  The ceilings and walls were all painted black and the chairs were arranged in a semi-circle around a band complete with singer, 2 electric guitars, a bass, keyboards and drum kit (with a double kick no less!). It was so dark, I could not even read the bulletin that they took great pains to print in full color.  I begin to break out in a sweat.

The congregational singing began as the multimedia projectors prompted us to start worshiping.  I say the congregational singing started, but this is just a theory of mine, because I could not actually hear the congregation over the band.  There were lips moving and a few hands popped into the air, but I almost expected the lighters to start flashing and someone to yell, "Freeeeee bird!."  This went on for about 20 minutes and as they paused for the meet and greet portion of the service, I bolted.  I saw the opportunity and left my family for the relative safety of the lobby's coffee cart.  I was in full on panic mode.  Even the lobby was creeping me out so I went for a walk in the neighborhood until I thought it was safe to come back.

Here are my observations:

1.  The church that was IN the city FOR the city did not actually have anybody that remotely looked as thought they were from that neighborhood.  A quick survey would reveal 90% white people under the age of thirty.  I can respect the intentions, but I do not think that this church was meeting its stated goals.

2.  The blank slate approach of this church included nothing that would show some sort of continuity with the previous generation of church goers.  Do we have to eject all semblances of what it is to be a Baptist?  I like being a Baptist and I am not ashamed to be up front about this fact. Do we have to shun old people in our churches to make room for this radical change?  At 36, I was definitely one of the older people in the building!  I have been blessed by elderly people in the church and their absence is a glaring problem. 

3.  Let me preface this next statement with an account of my previous church.  I went round and round with several people about a sign that was placed on the front doors of our church that said, "No Food or Drink in the Sanctuary."  This was the first message that visitors were greeted with as they entered Tolono First Baptist!  I was not fighting for food and drink in the sanctuary, I was fighting against the sign!  With that being said, the entire crowd in this Louisville church had coffee cups in their hands!  Those who know me well might think that I would enjoy this fact, but I did NOT!  I realize that many of my former congregation members wished that they had packed a snack half way through some of my sermons, but this church was way over the top.  Does drinking coffee as you worship really draw you closer to the Lord?  It is a hard case to make.

4.  This church, despite its aesthetic differences with last week's church, suffers from some of that same fundamental problems.  Both churches seem like Christian refugee camps for young and zealous Christians devoted to a particular church model.  I would be interested to see how much growth comes from conversions and how much comes from the shuffling of members from other churches, fresh waves of seminary students and other non-conversion growth. 

To top this off, Tracy, who is used to a steady diet of substantial and challenging sermons (wink), was sorely disappointed with the message that was brought.  I cannot speak directly to this observation since I was walking around the neighborhood at this point, but I trust my wife's discernment almost as much as my own.  My kids liked the church, but I believe that it was the artwork that K liked and Kaiser was mesmerized by the doughnut table.  Danielle liked the youthful nature of the church, but what 17 year old does not like sloughing off the "constraints" of their parent's type of church? 

The lessons to be learned here are:

trading in your slacks and dress shoes for sandals and shorts does not draw anyone closer to God and it certainly does not help ones efforts to "reach" someone for Christ. 

Coffee, or the lack of coffee, does not enhance worship. 

Taking the word Baptist does not guarantee that you escape the same problems that Baptist churches face. 

Poor and disenfranchised people are much more interested in food than art. 

Most importantly, without the Word preached in power, no amount of zeal for a church model is going to get you where you need to go as a church body!

Next Sunday: An SBC Flagship church...

This clip was posted on The Thin Edge of the Wedge and I have a hard time deciding whether or not it can be classified as satire since it is such a painfully accurate portrayal of finding a church these days!

Tomorrow I will share my latest adventure in finding a church home! In the meanwhile, enjoy the "satire."

I have been so focused on the physicality of our move to Louisville and the less noble, but still important, activities of setting up our new life, that I have had little time for the reading of the Scriptures and important books.  More importantly, I have allowed myself little time for contemplation and prayer over this Word of God.  After my last post I realized that I boredom should never have hold on a man who has before him such a task as understanding and preaching this revelation from God.  Tonight I began reading from the set of Ancient Church Fathers that I received as a gift from my mother.

One of the problems that I face when reading is that when a text is particularly profound, my pastoral mind begins racing with its direct application to the Body of Christ.  The first selection that I chose to read was the First Letter of Clement to the Church at Corinth.  I am not too familiar with Clement, but setting aside some of the finer points of his theology for a moment, it is clear from this letter that he has the heart of pastor who was eager to use the patterns of scripture to resolve schism within the church.  His letter is a glorious example of homiletics in that he clearly identifies the problems within the Corinthian church by comparing them to circumstances within the scriptures and then establishes that repentance in humility, as seen in the Scriptures, is the solution to such schism.

At this point I had to stop reading to consider some of these issues of repentance.  One of the most striking features of this letter, that I juxtapose to my experience within the church, is that I have encountered many who find comfort in the fact that the people found in scriptures were sinful.  Moses killed a man, Paul was a persecutor of the church and Peter denied Christ the night before he was crucified.  These facts are certainly true, but shouldn't we rather take our comfort from the manner in which these men were redeemed from such sin instead of the fact that they sinned?  The heart that attempts to justify itself will find company and solace among other sinful men, but the heart that seeks to be justified by Christ will take refuge in the repentance that is made possible in Christ.  The emphasis should never be that these men were sinful, like us, but rather that there is possible redemption through Christ.  On the surface, the identification of ourselves to men that have sinned appears to be humility, but in fact, it is an attempt to seek safety in numbers from the judgment of God.  True humility goes further past the recognition of sin to seek out its cure in Christ! 

JKK

I am actually....Bored.  This is a strange feeling.  My start date for work has been pushed back a week because the trainer has strep, I am completely unpacked, and school does not start for 2 weeks.  My hipster PDA that was about 2 inches just  few weeks ago has dwindled to just a smattering of boring task!  I realize that this is probably just the quiet before the storm, but it is disconcerting all the same.  I tried to work on the new site for Fear and Trembling, but working over CSS code is not much of a solution to boredom.  Now that Battlestar Galactica and Lost are in hiatus, there is not even anything to watch on TV.  Sigh...

Concerning my new found appreciation for biking, I have now chose the Bike over the Car for two ordinary trips (other than the specific bike trips I have been taking.)  It might not seem like much of an accomplishment, but if I am going to have a significant impact on my budget, I am going to have to make that choice more and more.  With what I paid for my bicycle, I will have broke even after saving just 6 tanks of gas.   I figure that I have saved three since I bought the bike in June, so I am close to being in the black.  To make my bike more useful and tempting to chose I am going to make a modification using the Free Radical accessories from Xtracycle.  I saw one of these up close in Champaign a while back and the owner said that you do not even notice the extra weight and length of the attachment when it is unload.  Tracy would not be seen on such a contraption, but I am unfettered by potential embarrassments.  Just ask my teenager!  She is absolutely aghast at the kind of cars that have driven over the years.  I am all about utility baby! The whole get up cost about $400 dollars, but if you look at it in terms of 6 tanks of gasoline, the investment is manageable and quickly recovered.

A little bit of good news about my waistline project:  I am at the required 40 inches (after schlepping 6,000 boxes to another state and biking all over Louisville, it ought to be!) and I have 12 more days to add (or take off rather) some wiggle room.   I am going back to Chicago on the sixth for another weigh in, so this time I should be back in uniform before the end of August.  Just in time too; my tuition bill will be on my doorstep before you know it! I just hope I will be able to get my package before the commissioning board before it meets on the 14th.

I had every intention of biking out to Iroquois Park to meet my family for a picnic, but a flat tire changed my plans today.  Before I get to the details, I promised the owner of The Bike Depot that I would write him up in my blog after he got me back on the road today.  The Bike Depot is a new bike shop just off 1st street in Downtown Louisville that has maintenance service, new and used bikes for sale, and a bike courier service.  This shop is a bare-bones, no nonsense shop that gives you good prices instead of frills. They carry lines of bikes that give the rider the most for their money (Like Marin) and are advocates for the bicycle community on Louisville.  I was in the other day looking for a bike for Tracy and the guy in the shop, Russ, answered my questions directly and honestly without trying to push me toward some high priced bike.  If you are in Louisville, this is the place for repair and sales.

Anyway,  I found out my tire was flat this morning and took the bike to Schwinn shop down the road and had the tube replaced but the pie-eyed kid doing the work did not look for the reason for the flat in the first place.  By the time I figured out that the tire was leaking I was south of the University of Louisville on the way to Iroquois Park.  I bought street map and hoofed it 10 blocks north to the University of Louisville to catch a bus home.  The TARC system has bike racks on their buses, so I caught a north bound bus to downtown with the hopes of getting an eastbound to Frankfort.  I passed through some great brownstone neighborhoods that reminded me of an upscale Wrigleyville. When I got uptown I found a bus stop for the eastbound buses but I could not  makes heads or tales of the schedule (I did not recognize the stops) so I asked for the help of three fellow Louisvillians sitting at the stop.

"Does the LaGrange bus go by Frankfort Ave?" 

"LaGrange?  That's the bus to the Prison, you going the the prison? You ever been in Prison?  Why you goin' to the Prison?"

The other two people chimed in...

"Prison? Why you going to the prison?"

"Prison?  I've been to the prison.  The prison is in LaGrange. Prison, Prison, Prison, Prison....

It was then I realized I was probably talking to the wrong people for directions and that these three people were obviously waiting to take a bus back to the home.  It was then that I looked down the street and saw the the glorious sight of The Bike Depot.  I walked the bike down the block and Russ had me back on the road within minutes.  He found the wire that was causing my flat in about 2 seconds of having the tire off and I can't believe the kid from this morning missed it.  After I got back on the road I realized that I was painfully close to home when I got lost the other day.  I got home about 3:30 after wandering around Louisville for the last 4 hours.  Tracy and the kids continued on with the picnic without me.

Yesterday's bike trek took me from Seminary Village in East Louisville, all along the Ohio River to the far Northwest end of Louisville.  For the most part, there is a dedicated bike trail that runs from Cherokee park all the way to Shawnee park.  This trail is an incredibly diverse path that takes you through dense woods, high and low end neighborhoods, rail yards, docks, the canal, the waterfront, industrial areas, a golf course, and even runs you past Louisville slugger field.  The path is well maintained and it let me concentrate on the unfolding terrain instead of keeping my bike from crashing.  The whole time I was riding, I was wishing that I had a camera and a GPS device to record my trip.

Like most metropolitan areas, I suppose, there was wide swings of socioeconomic and racial make up as I rode along.  In the span of just an hour of riding I encountered upper class white families on picnics, Hispanic kids playing in the water feature that runs from downtown into the Ohio, homeless men cooking on a fire near the riverside rail lines, construction workers working on the I-64 west, poor white kids running a beat up scooter on the bike trail,  young black males in thumping cars, well dressed black women waiting for buses to take them to work, urban professionals that work downtown, and college kids having beers on Baxter street in the late afternoon.  

I decide to go straight through the downtown on the way back but I took some bad advice and ended up on Bardstown Road heading southeast away from my apartment.  Bardstown road is not exactly bike friendly and I ducked into the Wendy's and called for a rescue from my wife.  After about 30 miles of riding that day my legs were aching (the local bike riders talk about how flat Louisville is, HA!  they have not seen where I came from).  The route I was riding was taking me further from home and despite my lack of Louisville road system knowledge, I could tell that I was not going in the right direction to get home.  Tracy mercifully came and picked me and the bike up in the Explorer so I could get the pizza ready for guest that were coming to dinner (We have some new friends across the street!)

Any profound commentary about my trip through Louisville?  I guess not.  It is what it is and I am glad that I got a chance to see the world from underneath I-64 instead of from on top of it moving 70 miles and hour.

In preparation for my next weigh-in, I have been taking longer and longer bike rides around Louisville.  Every trip I take gets longer and longer as I expand my knowledge of Louisville geography.  I found a dedicated bike path that takes me down to the river from Cherokee park (a large park a few minutes away from my apartment).  I did not get all the way down to the river because it was getting dark, but next time I am going to try and make it all the way to Shawnee park, which is on the west edge of Louisville (I am on the eastside).  Louisville, according to what the locals are saying, is putting a lot of efforts into increasing their bike friendly pathways.  I can tell you that the scenery is much more interesting than getting blown around on Route 45 between Tolono and Champaign.  On my journey I found a street just off downtown that is filled with houses that look like they could be inhabited by the Addams family.  It was obviously a street of "old money" at one time.

I was having a conversation with my friend Kevin about geography and we both agreed that it is fun getting to know the lay of the land of a new town.  We also agreed that it would take at least a year to learn the major landmarks, streets, attractions, services, shopping and most importantly, the people of Louisville.  Kevin moved to Seattle several years back and had to do the same thing.  My next project is to figure out the TARC system (the buses).  The bus route goes across the river to Clarksville (where I work) so I am going to do some figuring if getting a $35.00 monthly pass is worth the money.  It is 21 mile round trip to work and if I work 3 shifts a week it would cost me about $36.00 in gas alone (@3.00 a gallon) so it might very well be worth it when wear on my car is figured in and any other additional trips my family might take on the bus.  I can also study Greek on the bus and my nerves will be spared the horror of driving over the Ohio twice a day.  The deciding factor is how long a trip will take and whether or not I can get home at 11:00 PM from a late night shift on a weekend. 

How many miles can I shave off my driving in a year by using my bike, the bus system, walking and being located so close to shopping and services?  It is an interesting question.  Vehicle cost are a huge part of a poor person's budget and I think that when you are trying to cut cost, you go for the largest percentages for maximum effect.  I need to find some per mile cost for my particular vehicles to make accurate estimates.  If I can cut 2/3 off my vehicle cost it would be a significant savings.  Now getting my wife on board my little plan is an other story all together. She will come around eventually and I can always wait for one of my cars to break down and leave it dead for a while. It might take such extreme measures.

Today was our first experience in our search for a new home church.  I decided to go to Clifton Baptist Church which is down the street from us on Frankfort Rd.  This was our first stop because it was the most overtly reformed church that we have encountered so far and the church sign board advertised a sermon on church discipline on the week that we visited Louisville in  April.  The church is composed of mostly seminary associated people and has an elder led leadership structure.  In fact, it seems as though they really split up the responsibilities since they have a main preaching elder, an elder that is the chairman of the elders and they are currently looking for an elder to take the pastoral responsibilities.   

Tracy and I attended a Sunday School class taught by Bruce Ware, a noted theologian, and there was about 50 people in attendance in that class alone.  All the classes seemed to have many people in them which surprised me considering that they should have no problem finding qualified people to teach.  Maybe it was due to the lack of classroom space (the building very old).  Or it might be the fact that they have small group meetings on Sunday evenings, I am not really sure yet.  I am of the mind that Sunday school classes should have no more than 12 to 15 people.  The lecture was fantastic (there is no real way of having a discussion in a class that size) and Dr. Ware addressed the Biblical covenants and their relation to God's election.  For example,  God shows preference to Noah, by destroying the rest of the earth and saving Noah.  He shows preference to Abraham for no obvious reason (Abram was a pagan before being chosen by God) and the obvious examples of showing preference to Isaac over Ishmael and Jacob over Esau.  Should it surprise us when God continues this election into the New Covenant?  Anyway, I digress.

There were some glaring problems, however, that would make us think twice about joining Clifton.  First there seems to be a glaring lack of diversity among the attendees.  I did not see many Black, Asian, or even older faces for that matter.  I am sure that this is not a deliberate strategy, but churches that have a constant stream of new members from a source like the seminary would have a tendency to be homogenous.  The second issue is one that is much harder to verbalize and quantify (My Atheist friend, Kevin likes to demand empirical evidence from me!) but there was a distinct sense that most of the attendees were guarded about their interactions.  I am depending solely on my discernment for this analysis, but it was verified by my wife as well.  The reasons for this are probably complex, but it probably has to do with the large number of young seminary families who feel as if they need to put on their best face for such a seminary-centric church. 

You could also tell that the younger people who are active in ministry have not found their voice as of yet.  By this I mean that they all the right words to say but it is clear that they parroting instead of letting their own voice come through in their ministry (this is related to the guarded behavior issue as well).  The writers of the Scriptures were fully inspired by the Holy Spirit, but it was always clear who the human component of the writings were.  This is a area of preaching and ministry that is not taught, but rather untaught.  By nature we mimic those whom we admire and we have to learn to let go and allow ourselves to be used of God, as we are.  The number one problem I have seen with young preachers over the years was the tendency to copy sermons from prominent men that they hear on the radio or see in the pulpits.  For all you preacher boys out there:  God called you , he already has an Al Mohler or John Piper in His arsenal.   Despite what people may have thought about my sermons over the years, there is no one that can deny that I put myself out there when I preach.  This is one of the great things about a young man, Nate, for whom I just performed a wedding ceremony a few weeks ago.  Nate is Nate, warts and all and it is easy to minister to him because he hides nothing about himself.  

What does all this mean for the family's search?  It means that for all of our problems in Tolono, there was an intimacy about that church that is hard to beat.  Give me a good church fight over polite indifference any day of the week!  This sounds strange, but in a knock down drag out church fight, people drop all of the charades of the typical day to day life in the local church.  As the reader might have suspected, we are trying out our neighbor's church next week that has the potentially embattled pastor and the somewhat divided congregation. Am I drawn to drama?  Heavens NO, but I am drawn into situations in which I might have the opportunity to connect with people in a significant way and this means that we will probably have to get a little dirty in the process.  Keep us in prayer friends, family and casual readers!  This search is going to get really interesting! 

For the members of Clifton Baptist Church who reads this post, please take the above comments in the spirit in which they were intended.  You seem to have a great church, but there are certainly issues that my objective eye might spot and that you can use for spiritual growth.  I will probably be in further contact with the elders of Clifton and get their take on my observations.  Perhaps they have noticed these issues themselves.  I did get to speak with Dr. Bruce Ware a little bit as I helped him jack up his car with my big floor jack.  Dr. Ware got a flat tire on the way to church and his stock jack did not go up far enough to put the new tire back on!  I kept that jack when I moved last week with the intention of using it to bless some one in need and that is exactly how it turned out.  I just assumed that it would be helping some of the preacher boys that live in my apartment complex.   Getting to meet such a prominent theologian as he wrestled a tire onto his SUV is a wonderful metaphor for the essence of this post.  We need to get down on the pavement with each other more often; this is when we can really get to know one another outside of our "church faces."

JKK

..and I am biking around the east side of Louisville getting the lay of the land and trying to lose more pounds for my third attempt to get into the Illinois National Guard.  Tomorrow is going to be our first church experience in Louisville (Clifton Baptist Church) and I am excited to see what is going on in these local churches.  We have been invited to a church by our neighbors across the street from us but their church sounds strangely familiar.  My neighbor told me that their 32 year old pastor, who is not seminary trained, taught through 1 Timothy with a special mind toward teaching the biblical definition of Elders and Deacons.  The congregation agreed with the teaching and the exegesis of text and then promptly balked when steps were taken to move forward with developing an eldership.  They were afraid that the committees were going to lose their power and that the pastor was trying to "take over."  Sigh...  Oh how we love our committees!  I think I might write a hymn.

Needless to say the regular Fear and Trembling reader might understand my reservations about joining this church, yet I feel an almost lemming-like compulsion to involve myself.  Big sigh.  I am going to fight this temptation for now, but I am not ruling it out.  I might have a better success if I am "only a church member" and not the pastor, but how long would it be until I am in some sort of position of responsibility?  Maybe I will just sit in the pew quietly and worship God with my family.  LOL,  yeah, that sentence was as difficult to write with a straight face as I am sure it was to read with one.  Well as my old Pop is fond of saying, I think I will just "hide and watch" for a spell (I am trying hard to incorporate the local lingo).  Regardless of whether I join Clifton Baptist Church or not, I certain intend on picking their brains about the history of their eldership and how it operates.  Moving from a single elder w/deacons model to a plurality of elders is a quantum leap of ecclesiastical will on the part of a congregation.

I am also cooking up a post concerning the application and potential abuse of Romans 14:13-24.  The family ate at Irish Restaurant/Pub last night (Lamb stuffed cabbage rolls!) and it reminded me of the overly pedantic discussions back home about what constitutes a bar and what is a restaurant. For hours we could argue about what kind of establishment was proper and right for a Christian to frequent and it almost came down to the counting of bar stools versus eating tables!  At what ratio does God frown upon us?  Is Applebee's and Olive Garden Ok, but the Philo Tavern (which serves a lot of food) off limits?  When does the tyranny of the weaker brother overwhelm my freedom in Christ? And of course this debate takes place as we refuse to address more pressing sin issues in our churches like slander, gossip, adultery, obvious heresy, financial disobedience, and hard heartedness towards our neighbors, and yes, real drunkenness.   These are interesting questions and I might just wait until I finish the next incarnation of Fear and Trembling so I can have a livelier debate (this site currently requires that you have an MSN passport to leave a name with your comment).   This whole debate is reminiscent of first century arguments about what qualifies as "working" on the Sabbath.  Religious people just do not change.  They Jews had the Lord of Glory in their presence and they were more worried about Jesus and His apostles getting a little something to eat on Saturday. 

JKK

As most Fear and Trembling readers already know, I come from non-Baptist origins.  I entered SBC life with no preconceptions about what it is to be a Southern Baptist and although this has been a limiting factor in areas such as mission support, it has also given me fresh eyes when it came to the institutions of Baptist life.  One of my first experiences with the larger corpus of the body Baptist was the local association and it was not good.  I have been part of two associations and both suffered from the same fundamental problems.  I always saw the potential of cooperating with other churches in the area for the purpose of growing the kingdom, I have just never seen it meet that potential in any significant way. What are local associations supposed to be like?  I don't know, but I have been told repeatedly that they are part of God's glorious plan.  The following observations are from my experience with local associations that I have had first hand experience, your mileage may vary.

From what I have seen there are only two major meetings that the associational churches are present.  The first is the annual meetings which are spread out over two days and three sessions.  During these sessions there are usually only 3 major motions that are passed by the body.  The first is a motion to thank the hosting churches, the second is a motion to accept the budget for the upcoming year and the third is a motion that involves something totally random, like thanking all of the soldiers who fought in World War II (an actual motion from a meeting a few years back).  This is a perfectly fine motion I suppose, but it certainly gives you the idea of the average age of annual meeting attendees and it is unclear why this takes 3 sessions.  The remainder of the time is spent in reports from the various churches and ministries of the association.  To hear these reports, one might think that a third Great Awakening was bursting forth in our midst.  Then there is the annual sermon and the doctrinal sermon.  The latter is usually lacking in anything close to doctrine. The second meeting is an associational worship meeting in which there is pie and ice cream served afterwards. 

This brings me to the next major problem with associations.  In an association full of seminary graduates, non-seminary pastors with years of experience, a Director of Missions and scores of able minded rank and file Baptist, there is absolutely no will to address important doctrinal issues facing our local churches.  The issues that were addressed at the SBC this year all come from the local level.  I understand why it might be difficult to have a productive discussion in a room full of 8,000 messengers, but why can't these issues be discussed on the local associational level?  How many of our churches are struggling with the issue of alcohol use?  How many are debating Calvinism?  How many are wrestling with modern church growth strategies?  Yet, there is no forum in which 20 to 25 pastors in an association can come together to hammer out some responses to these debates.  Even in the smaller weekly prayer meetings my association would host, I could sense audible groans and sighs when I would seek clarification on things such as church discipline.  There was never enough time for such discussion because we were all "very busy."  Is there any wonder why many have turned to the blogs for this kind of discussion?  I have been absolutely starved for this kind of substantive discussion with peers, but it has not been forthcoming. 

Both the state and local associations have become pipelines for the hottest new trends in modern evangelicalism.  The state papers are filled with party line stories that are glossed for our consumption and push the latest catch phrase that has been dreamed up in a associational committee.  Associations are much better at creating anagrams than they are proclaiming the Gospel.  The local association then try to pool their resources to purchase the latest programs from Lifeway (that is an entirely different post!).  We are told by our state and local association what our needs are as a local church and how we need new ways to reach people for Christ and then Lifeway comes in to provide this "need" with material that cost 40% more than any other material on the market. The cycle goes on and on and on.  Do the associations really listen to the needs of the churches?

One of the professed goals of local associations is to cooperate in the planting of new churches but I have seen very little of this in the last 12 years.  I have seen half hearted attempts, but nothing that struck me as worthwhile.  Our local churches have become "mother" churches in name only and have little actual involvement with their "daughters."  By the time the state association, NAMB, and the local DOM, and the mother church get involved, most plants are smothered to death by supervisors.  90% of all the churches in Central and Southern Illinois were started in the 1940s and 50s when the area saw a massive migration of Southerners to the north.  I have even heard this church growth by migration called a "Visitation by God to Central Illinois!".  Uh huh.  Apparently He visited and and promptly left because there have been precious few churches started after 1960 in our area.  How did this happen?  I realize I am relatively new to the SBC, but shouldn't the local churches be the spearheads for church plants instead of a DOM picking a location and then searching out a sponsor?  It seems a little backwards.  My previous church was totally burnt out on this kind of church planting because they have seen generations worth of failed starts.  It made it difficult for me to lead the church in the direction of starting a church.

Finally, there is a growing trend in Associational Missionaries to become proactive to the point in which they see themselves in the role of a "Bishop."  Hear is a recent article about a similar issue that you should read on the Founder's blog.  Too often there is an attitude that the poor little rural church does not know their own best interest.  I have heard stories from all over about occurrences just like the one in the linked article above.  For associational and convention personnel who put so little emphasis on sound doctrine as a key component of a healthy church, they certainly have some strong opinions at times.  They are invited to voice these opinions, but only in the proper forums, not behind the scenes in an effort to undermine local pastors.  I have heard from several of these types that "Calvinism" is splitting churches, but the fact is that many of our churches are divided over a whole range of issues and at least Calvinism is something more substantive than the other petty things we fight about.  It is hard enough to create real unity in a local church without outside forces tinkering with the inner workings. 

Please do not misunderstand me, I want healthy Baptist association among the churches, but we are confusing our associational activities with real ministry.  We have the illusion of activity, but it ends up as just more busy work that the single pastor of a rural church does not need in his life.  I am not a "lone wolf."  To the contrary, I desire real fellowship but was unable to find it among all of the annual reports and meaningless motions.  I stated my convictions at an annual meeting a few years ago and received praise, acclamation and agreement from my fellow pastors, but it was all in the privacy of the bathrooms during the break.  Attendance for associational events has plummeted in the last 30 years (unless there is a money issue involved!) and we have to ask ourselves, "why?"   The answer is simple.  You cannot appeal to some sense of Baptist tradition in pastors like myself.  You have to show me that associating together is worthwhile and truly advances the Kingdom.  I am not going to spend precious time resources to prop up a system that is sick.  I will spend my time forging real relationships with local pastors like Steve Diehl of Garden Hills Baptist Church and Mike Jenkins of Farmer City Baptist Church (props to my homies) , who gave me their time, counsel and friendship whenever I needed it and let me drop the polite facade that pastors often use around each other.  This is REAL association!

We need to stop talking about how significant these ministries are actually be significant...

JKK

Whew. Hands down, this has been the most stressful week of my life, but we are making headway. My parents and our friends the Wisher family helped us move our stuff to the new apartment on the 14th and I almost had a break down the next day when I saw all of the boxes stacked six feet high all over our apartment. I am keeping this brief because I need to focus on getting the family settled, but within the next few days I should be back to blogging everyday. I could not have done this move without the support of my family and my church family in Tolono. A HUGE thanks to everyone who has supported us with financial gifts and with sweat equity!

PS.

For those of you who thought I forgot the VBS 2007 Multimedia presentation CLICK THIS LINK AND FOLLOW THE INTRUCTIONS ON THE SCREEN! I will email instructions about how to set everything else!

A favorite tactic of Presidential candidates lately is the evocation of Ronald Reagan. This is easy to understand, of course, the 80s were a time of optimism and RR was front and center in that unabashed patriotism. It is no wonder that candidates want to be associated with him as they run for President themselves. There is one problem, however...

I have not heard one candidate make the case for winning the war in Iraq. Now, I am not saying that it is winnable per se and I am not saying anything about the war itself, I am just saying that there is a part of me that wants to hear from a leader that we can actually win this war (other than W). RR would have at the very least made me feel as if we were going to win. The last 5 years have been much like the middle to late seventies when our confidence as a nation had deflated after a protracted war. What candidate is going to pull us from that malaise?

If you want to evoke Ronald Reagan, you need to be able to communicate that we can actually win. Is this a strategy that could work for a candidate in 2008? Maybe not, but it would certainly distinguish a candidate from a crowded pack of contenders who are hoisting white flags on their campaign buses. It reminds me of Name that Tune. "I can retreat in failure in 6 months!" "I can retreat in failure in 5 months!" "Candidate, retreat...in....failure!"

JKK

This has got to have been the most gut wrenching three months I have ever experienced. The changes have come fast and furious and show no signs of letting up yet. Just when you are cruising along in a pattern of life, God shakes the ground underneath your feet and forces you to reexamine your entire life. As readers of Fear and Trembling have seen in my post, the examination is often painful. The last Sunday in Tolono was no exception to this process. After the service was over I felt like I was hit by a truck. I will try to explain why this was and give the reader some insight to the inner workings of a pastor.

First, there is simple mathematical fact that has plagued pastors from the beginning: The pastor is one and the flock is many. A pastor is expected to develop a strong bond with the congregation members. This is a reasonable expectation, but how many quality relationships can one man manage? 10? 20? 30? With the understanding that relationships beyond the level of acquaintances take significant amounts of time, a church of 60 to 80 people is a daunting task for any person to manage. How many people have more than five or six intimate friends? Jesus himself only picked twelve and even had three among the twelve that were closer than the rest. All of that emotional investment takes quite a toll on a man. I can certainly understand why a church member would want to have as close a relationship as possible with the pastor, but I have never been able to communicate the above phenomenon to anyone's satisfaction.

Sunday demonstrated to me how many people with whom I have formed this bond. There has been a great outpouring of support for my move to Louisville and it is almost harder than if everyone was mad at me. If I was run out of town on a rail, making those emotional breaks would be much easier, but as it stands I feel like I am losing a family. Glen, my chairman of deacons and a loyal friend, performed a foot washing at the end of the service and it almost did me in emotionally. There are dozens of people in whom I am invested and they in me. This is what being the church is all about. A local church should be a group of believers who have thrown their hats into the same ring and who's fate is intertwined. Those who have made this sort of commitment always get the most out of their spiritual investment, but they are also the ones who hurt the most when those relationships go south or are changed by moves like mine.

My first reaction to all of this is that when I find a church in Louisville, I am just going to keep my distance, worship God, and head to the house. It won't happen this way though. I will put myself out there and I will start the whole process over again because I am compelled by the love of Christ. I will eventually have another congregation and I will hear the same criticism of about favoritism, but I have to be resigned to this fact of pastoral ministry. I will also experience this tremendous loss again, like I have this week, but I will know that it is because I have invested myself as I should and that people have invested themselves in me as they should. I now understand Acts 20 in ways that go beyond the grammatical structure of the passage, the historical context or the the theological significance. I am living Acts 20 right now and whether it is the first century or the twenty-first, parting from beloved brothers and sisters in Christ hurts deeply.

I need a nap....

JKK

It is 6:00 am on Sunday morning and I am making the final preparations for my final sermon in Tolono as the pastor of the First Baptist Church of Tolono. I am excited about what the future holds for my ministry as I go to The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary in Louisville but I cannot say it is without some considerable anxiety. Any pastor who leaves a church is concerned about what condition he is leaving that church. As a man who is given charge over a group a Christians by God's commission (and this is independent of whether or not all those particular Christians recognize this fact) I must be vigilant right to the end of this commission. As far as the condition of this local church is concerned, I suppose one can get as many different views as there are viewers of the situation. However, I have to act upon and live with the situation as I see it.

With that being said, I am leaving this church being convinced on several points. First, in the time that I spent in Tolono there were a great many people who have received and were made new in Christ. This is not due to any power of persuasion that I might have, but rather is to the Glory of God who moved upon the hearts and minds of men, women, and children through the preaching and teaching of His Word. Christ was offered and some received. How many people received Christ? Again, I think that this point can be argued and it is certainly less than those who professed only with their mouths, but I look around at those in my church who have claimed Christ and I see a depository of God given faith and fruits of the spirit.

Second, I am leaving the church with the confidence that nothing has been left unsaid. This might seem like a trivial matter to some, but for a man who is charged with preaching the Word in season and out of season, it is a matter of integrity. I am confident that I left no stone unturned and I preached, eventually, everything that I was convicted to preach with no regard to the personal consequences. I say eventually since there was often, like Jonah, a delay. This is not to say that I was absolutely correct in my teaching, but it was never for a lack of desperate searching of the Scriptures.

Finally, I can say that I am leaving this congregation with no false sense of unity. A false sense of unity is a situation in which fundamental differences are temporarily ignored for the sake of a temporary peace. This kind of unity is no real unity since it is not in Christ, but rather it is by human agreement and compact. I can confidently say that everyone at our church knows where everyone else stands. All cards have been placed on the table. In the recent past, many hands were being played close to the chest. This is no way to live as a church. If transparency is a virtue, we now have it in spades (to continue the metaphor!) Despite the conflict, I have been compelled to preach and teach until we have reached this point.

So what is my last sermon? The message of the Gospel, of course, and our need to preach it. This is not rocket science...

Today's post is a summary of the Sermon that I will be delivering at a wedding this afternoon. Every time that I perform a wedding ceremony (15 or so), I personally meditate on the meaning of marriage so that the Word that I preach will have a blessing on all in attendance, not just the bride and groom. Marriage sermons are usually short and almost always ignored as a required ceremonial ornament like the Unity Candle, but it should not be so. Those who are married, those who are going to be married and those who are called to remain single should all have a deep understanding of the institution that God patterned after His relationship with His church. It is important to realize that God did not use the human institution of marriage as a metaphor to explain His relationship with His people, but rather, patterned marriage after this relationship with His people that is preeminent to all other relationships that Man can have.

Ephesians 5:22-33

"Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church— for we are members of his body. "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh." This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband."

It is commonly said that "To love someone else you must first learn to love yourself." However, I am not satisfied with having a common marriage. With half of all marriages ending in divorce, we should instead strive to have uncommon marriages that rise above the norm. This adage, with its appearance of wisdom, considers a good marriage to be merely a function of some sort of intangible psychological self-actualization, when in fact, marriage is so much more. Most people who has suffered through a divorce will attest to the fact that the dissolution of marriage is painful at levels beyond the psychological.

Pre-marital counselors are quick to set aside the idea romantic love in favor of dealing with the more common issues of everyday life such as finances, child rearing, communication styles and careers. There is no denying that these are critical issues for any married couple and it also a fact that if a couple has a mastery of these issues added to romantic love, then chances are, they will have a perfectly adequate marriage that is successful by any worldly standard. But again, are we aiming for adequate, acceptable, and normal, or are we aiming for blessed, Divine, and sacred? To experience the kind of blessing that marriage was intended to be, we must look to the teaching of Ephesians 5. Instead of moving below the idea of romantic love to deal with the mundane, we must first rise above to the kind of sacrificial love that is taught by the scriptures.

I will address the man first, since it is he who will be head of the this new household and thus sets the tone for the family. The scripture charges that the man must love his wife as "Christ loved the church as gave Himself up for her..." Where can a man learn this kind of love? From what depths of his soul can he reach to evoke this kind of sacrifice? Like faith, this kind of love is impossible for a man in his flesh. Also like faith, this kind of love is the gift of God by grace since it is He and He alone who is the author of such love. More than just providing an example, Christ creates this kind of love inside of us. To up end the common adage, "To love someone else, we must have the love of Christ in us first." It is this Divine kind of love that loves even when the recipient is not lovable for "while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." It is this Divine love that sets its own needs aside for the other as Christ provided His body as a sacrifice for the sins of the church. In the same way, a man who knows the love of Christ will set himself aside for the sake of his wife.

To the women the scriptures have an equally lofty charge, "Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything." This is not a submission of bondage but rather the submission that leads to the freedom that Christ gives. Christian submission is a total giving over of self to the other. What is more glorious than being able to entrust yourself so completely to your spouse? Again, like love and faith, this submission is beyond what man can do in his flesh. This kind of submission come only from a heart that has been created by the Lord. This kind of submission is the submission that is the underpinning of salvation. Even though the women may not understand leading of the Lord or her husband, she can have absolute confidence that is for the good.

This Word is not only to the couple, but also unto this whole congregation of people. The Bible says, "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh." and in Hebrews 13:4, "Marriage should be honored by all..." As Nathan and Katherine build the kind of marriage mentioned above, family and friends must respect the oneness of the couples flesh, not ever trying to separate one from the other. Specifically, parents understand that their son has left to become one flesh with his wife and that the daughter has left the headship of her father and gone under the headship of her husband. Friends must now understand that they no longer deal with one with out dealing with the other and the sacredness. Matthew 19:6, "...what God has joined together, let no man separate."

In the end, romantic love and everyday necessity is not ignored by the teachings of Ephesians 5. Matthew 6:33 reads, "But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." By striving after the uncommon marriage of Divine origin and purpose, all other aspects of the marriage are informed by, nourished by and strengthened by a love and power that far exceeds what we can do on our own. A covenant marriage in Christ creates a sum that is greater than its parts. Finances, children, sex, and even household chores become result of Divine love instead of ends in and of themselves. Can we limp along with common marriages? Yes, we can. But when someone gets a glimpse of God true intention for marriage, why would they ever settle for less?

In the next three day I have my final sermon at Tolono FBC, a huge wedding to perform (with a rehearsal and dinner the night before, four bookcases and three beds to varnish, and sort/pack all my tools. There are few tomorrows left. This is certainly a time I need to be laser focused on execution of our plan. As I was driving today I tried to imagine what this move would have been like if I had not been so on top of my game for these past four months. The J of years past would not have been able to pull off these life changes.

Despite the timing I am looking forward to this wedding on Saturday. I have invested a considerable amount of time in this couple's pre-marital counseling and I care for them deeply. This is the kind of wedding that I like to perform. If Nate and Katie are reading this post: NO COUPLE THAT I HAVE EVER COUNSELED HAS EVER GOTTEN DIVORCED; DON'T RUIN MY RECORD! Another great thing about this wedding is that for the first time ever, I have been seated with the family at the reception. This may seem like a small thing, but the minister usually ranks right above the wait staff and right below the D.J. in the hierarchy of wedding personnel. This is not usually a direct snub of the clergy, but instead a function of most couple's emphasis on the ceremony instead of the Divine underpinnings the marriage itself. 1. Get flowers 2. Find a D.J. 3. Find someone presentable to stand up front and sign the license.

So now what? Go to the cards, man, go to the cards. Every card I rip up puts me that much closer to the goal....

The second day was a bit better than the first. This is mainly because they gave me a little sticker to wear on my shirt that said PS. PS stands for Prior Service and it means that you get to go to the front of all the lines and they treat you a bit better. We had a fairly small group of troops to get processed that day so we moved through the stations quickly. The medical section was the same battery of uncomfortable testing and examination that I experienced in 1988, but some of the more sensitive exams took place one on one with a doctor in a closed room. This was definitely an improvement over the first time I went to MEPS.

To make a long story short, I did not pass my tape testing. I was still one inch away from passing my body composition test. One of the problems is that although my waist has shrunk considerably, so has my neck and the calculation is a relation of neck size to abdomen size. This means that I am locked out of enlistment for 32 days. This is the length of time that the Army calculates that I can safely lose the eight more pounds I need to pass the test. So the last piece of my puzzle is still left unplaced.

Although I am disappointed I am not discouraged. I have lost 33 lbs since December, so I am confident that I will be able to lose these last 8 pounds before I can reenter the National Guard. I am going to stay the course on my diet, but I am going to add a bot more exercise. This will not be easy considering that we are moving to Louisville in just nine more days, but you have to do what you have to do. This 8 lbs is not the last of it after all. There is a difference between just passing and exceeding standards. This time around in the National Guard, I want to do more than just the minimum, I want to serve and minister with distinction.

What can be said about the Military Entrance Processing Station? Well, the personnel still have utter disdain for the troops, speak in esoteric military form lingo, expect everyone to have an intimate knowledge of the MEPS process, and give you absolutely no information about what to do or where to go. Other than this it is a pleasant and professional environment filled with laughter and joy. Can the reader guess which assessment of MEPS is actually sarcasm? The MS Pac-Man game is right where I left it however. Somehow this brought me some comfort in continuity.

Today was just my retaking of the ASVAB (Armed Forces Vocational Aptitude Battery) since my last one was so long ago and I have changed jobs. In 1988 I received an 89 out of 99 and this time around I got a 98 out of a 99. Not bad considering I have not eaten for two days, have taken a water pill to shed the last inch and gotten hassled by the test taker because I did not have an "envelope." After the test was over I walked out and went to the lounge to wait on the other recruits to finish. I soon noticed that they all had their results with them and were discussing their scores. When i returned to get my results, thinking that I must have missed some instructions, the test taker says, "where is your envelope?" "Envelope? I don't have the envelope" "You have to have the envelope." "But I was not given the envelope" "I am sorry, you need the envelope" he says with disgust. "Ummm, OK" I say as I walk out of the room to go back to the lounge. I sat there for a few more minutes until a desk person took their post and I asked about "the envelope." Apparently, it is not THE envelope, just AN envelope. All of this discourse because I did not have a plain ole' envelope. So I pull on out of my trusty black portfolio (see previous post) and held back down the hall to get my scores.

This is not the end of the story! When I got back to the room a mistake made at MEPS in 1988 continues to haunt me. In 1988 they spelled my name JAY instead of J, as it is on my birth certificate, and I have unsuccessfully tried to get it corrected for 19 years! To get my ASVAB scores I had to produce my Birth Certificate and Social Security card to prove that J was my real name! I was prepared for such a contingency and brought every single personal document I could find. BLAMO! Take that bureaucratic automaton! He made me sit in the chairs and wait a while so that he could express his protest, printed out the results, gave me a double take when he saw the score, and reluctantly gave me the "envelope." Yeah man, its a 98, give me my propers.

I am now back at the Hotel that they put us up in for the night. The hotel has a special lounge for the MEPS people to keep them corralled and pacified with soda pops and Xbox games. It is only a matter of time before these young men and women figure out that they are far away from home and have the potential of raising a little Cain. I expect the shenanigans to begin in about an hour. In the meantime I am getting a kick out of listening to their conversations about their upcoming military experience. They are all so excited about the wonderful opportunities that their recruiter told them about and will be this way until about 2 days into boot camp and they are crying themselves to sleep. From what I see of these kids, a few months in boot camp will do them some good. I find myself wanting to tell them to:

1. Pull up their pants

2. Hold their fork correctly

3. Say please and thank you to the hotel staff

4. Stop dragging their feet

5. and PUT THE CELL PHONE DOWN!

I guess I am showing my age....

Tomorrow I head to Chicago (My fifth Monday road trip in a row) to get my Army physical. The recruiter that I have been working with is a young female who is concerned that a man of my age and social position should not have to deal with the indignity of the MEPS process. I figure that I have done it once and I can do it again. The last time I went to MEPS Ronald Reagan was the President! I spent most of my downtime in the St. Louis MEPS arcade playing video games.

1988's top 40 songs

1. Faith - George Michael
2. Need You Tonight - INXS
3. Got My Mind Set On You - George Harrison
4. Never Gonna Give You Up - Rick Astley
5. Sweet Child O' Mine - Guns N' Roses
6. So Emotional - Whitney Houston
7. Heaven Is A Place On Earth - Belinda Carlisle
8. Could've Been - Tiffany
9. Hands To Heaven - Breathe
10. Roll With It - Steve Winwood
11. One More Try - George Michael
12. Wishing Well - Terence Trent d'Arby
13. Anything For You - Gloria Estefan & Miami Sound Machine
14. The Flame - Cheap Trick
15. Get Outta My Dreams - Get Into My Car - Billy Ocean
16. Seasons Change - Expose
17. Is This Love - Whitesnake
18. Wild - Wild West - Escape Club
19. Pour Some Sugar On Me - Def Leppard
20. I'll Always Love You - Taylor Dayne

More notable events of 1988

1. The Cubs played their first game under Wrigley Field's new lights

2. The Last Emperor won the Academy Award for best picture

3. Pan-Am flight 103 is destroyed over Scotland by a terrorist bomb

4. The Democrats nominate Michael Dukakis to run for president (remember the tank? lol)

5. The Soviets (we call them Russians these days) left Afghanistan

6. The price of a Gallon of gasoline was $1.08 (lower in Mattoon, there was gas war that year and they were as low as .69 a gallon for short periods of time.

7. I was driving a 1968 Mustang coupe. My first Car that I bought for $750. Subsequent cars until present would not ever cost much more than that!

8. I wanted to work for the CIA to combat the communist threat to freedom. They seemed to take care of that without my assistance.

Tomorrow's post will be from the beautiful Chicago MEPS center......